Hate Letter for You

Dear Handsome Nurse,

Here we go again,  same issues and same sh*t that made you pissed off and moody.  I do not know what you are thinking! You are such a selfish brute! Aish, if only I do not love you I won’t care if you go to hell and be mad at me to the highest level!  It is always my fault, my mistake and all.  Why does it has always to be me? When you did something wrong and asked for apology I easily forgive you because I do understand your situation.  But when it comes to me who does something wrong even it is just an honest mistake, you easily get annoyed and pissed off? *sobs

Do I deserve all this treatment as I love you? You make my heart ache and gloom my days.  If you only knew how bothered am I every time I cannot do what you have favored me to do.  It is so heartbreaking on my part.  When you told me to take care in a sarcastic way, does it mean goodbye to everything? Does it mean we need to end this relationship? :((

For crying out loud,  please let me feel your presence so that I can tell this heavy feelings that I have straight to your face!

Yours,

Aching heart and troubled soul

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Happy Father’s Day Papa!

It has been three years since he left us heartbroken and blue.   It has been three years and counting that I miss his laughs, wise thoughts and kind heart that he had shown.  Three years and more that I cannot spend this special celebration for fathers.

Anyway, wherever you are right now Papa just want you to know that you are always remembered and will never be forgotten.  I love and miss you so much Dad! Thank you for all the great things that you have taught us– to your children.  No words can express how much we value and cherished you.  Too bad that we did not have the ample time to spend every single day  to be memorable.  I realized that you value the existence of a person once he or she is gone, and I regret that I have seen your worth when you left me for good.  I know circumstances took us apart but I want to let you know Papa I am so happy and proud that you are my father.

If I will be born again, I will still choose you to be my father who is always there when his daughter needs her.  You are the greatest father  throughout the world!  To appreciate how grateful and thankful I am to have you in our life, let me say:

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO THE MOST HANDSOME,  GREATEST, BEST AND KINDEST FATHER THROUGHOUT THE WORLD!– it’s you Papa Nelson!

You Change

So you ignored me huh? Seems like you changed big time Handsome Nurse, it is not you to ignore me and not answering me properly.  It is not so you to disregard how I feel.  You are a different person now.   I miss the good old days- the days that you really let me feel love and care.

My heart aches when I reminisced those days that I can really tell that you love me.  But now, I just don’t know you at all! You began to hide from me even if you give me reasons that it is the other people you don’t want to talk nor bother you.  I just cannot distinguished if it is me and my paranoia are the problems or it is REALLY YOU that totally changed.

Whatever it is, change already existed within you and in our relationship.  Will I survive this dilemma? Hope I can because I want to save the special bond, the love and the memories we shared from laughter, problems, pain to tears.

Handsome Nurse, want to let you know that I am hurt with your actions towards me.   Oh God! please lighten this burden inside my heart so that I move forward and can come up with a decision if should I let go or stay and hold on until he opens up.  *sigh

Quote to ponder: “Nothing is constant in this world except change”.

Then he asked: Will you marry me?

It blew me away when he dropped that question. I cannot figure it out if he is serious, just carried away by his emotions or just playing around. When asked me that question, I give him a big “YES” with a follow up question on when it is going to happen. [It seems like am a crazy girl playing with whatever things that runs in his mind]. Then he answered me that we are going to settle down on my birthday, which is 5 months from now!
Darn, guess he is just kidding or he could be dropping some hints? I hope it is the latter. 🙂

More patience please?

Months had passed and this is what I realized, Handsome Nurse is a type of person who has little patience and suddenly outburst his temper.  He is not the type of person who will add more effort when wooing someone if things will not go well.   As what I observed, whenever I expressed my feeling towards him about how disappointed and I am sulking on the way he treated me, at first he tries to comfort you but when you prolong the drama because you want him to be sweeter as he woo you, he will be annoyed and irritated and will start his own drama.

Is it too much for a girl to act more of a drama queen when she just wants to be pampered and just want to feel more fondness coming from her partner? Is it too much for a girl who loves his man so much and just want to be feel loved all the time? I am not a clingy kind of girl whenever he has shortcomings.  For all those times we’ve been together I never demanded that can choke him up.  So, is it too much to ask for that?

Whenever we reached on this point, he will start to reverse the whole scenario which sparks my conscience and regret the words that roll out of my stupid mind and mouth.  It makes me wish that I should have not say this and that.  It bothers me much when he shows irateness towards me.  It makes me feel uncomfortable and will disturb me much not until we can talk and clear things out.  Hope, I can have much more patience to understand him because I want our relationship to work out.   I am crossing fingers that he is on the same page with me in regards with our relationship (you know, both of us working on this relationship).

Oh love, why does it have to be complicated? *sigh