Where is this heading?

Countless times, doubts always linger in my mind about how you really feel  for me.  One thing I know I am so much loved by you but on the other hand it seems like I feel so ignored.    I just don’t know what to believe.   I keep on telling myself that I should enjoy and seize the moment being with you but I cannot help but to think negatively.  I want to ask tons of questions all about you but my tongue always get tied when I opened up the topic and I  tend to think that you will just tell me a lie, so there’s no sense in asking.  Argh, I do not know anymore!

Guess,  I am just so paranoid and do not have full trust on you.   It is so hard when you keep feelings for yourself because no one seems to listen.   Don’t get me wrong I have numerous friends and close friends who are willing to listen but they have a life and drama of their own.  I do not want to add more baggage in their heart.  *sigh

This is difficult when most of the times you are the one who is always giving advice and answers  on other’s problems but in your own you cannot advised yourself.  I do not know where would this relationship go and I am not certain of what I am feeling and what I want.   I am on the state of confusion and going in a hard battle of love.    You keep secrets and I am an open book.   I blab so much about my life and you just shut your mouth most of the times when it comes to yours.    You always say sorry and let me know how much you love me when things do not go right.  Do I have to count it as a good thing or a bad thing? :-<

May God guide me with this journey that I am heading.  May this will work out for the best for the good of us.  I am so darn confuse.   My head is breakinggggggggggg!!!


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