Pain! It hurts

I am hoping that this deep wound inside my heart would heal fast because it hurts that I do not know what to do anymore.  I thought I am already fine and can cope out that he is making his way out of my life (yeah we haven’t broke up yet since he emailed me and decisions on his part are still vague) but I am absolutely wrong.  I am still hurt a gazillion times.  Every word he said pierced my heart and I do not want this to go on.

As he answered my email, he gave me a hanging answer which leads me to ask again.  All I want right now is a peace of mind, hope he can provide me that.  This is so hard because it tortures the whole me because I value and cherish him and the relationship so much.  I will accept and respect whatever decisions he will make as long as I know the reasons why.  No matter how shallow or nonsense it is I will accept.

Oh God, please help me to ease this pain away! Please guide me in this rough journey that I am in.  Make me strong to survive all of these. 😦

Broken

Warning: I am enduring all the pain right now so that in some ways I will be numb and will get used of the he-is-out-of-my-life drama.  So am posting here a song that perfectly fits of what am feeling right now.

Broken by Lifehouse

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you’ve already figured out

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on
I’m barely holdin’ on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I’m an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they’re still looking for life

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
with a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’)
I’m barely holdin’ on to you

I’m hangin’ on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I’m hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven’t forgotten my way home

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
with a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’),
I’m barely holdin’ on to you

I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’), I’m holdin’ on (I’m still holdin’),
I’m barely holdin’ on to you

Goodbye to You and Me?!

Hurt

Aching

Broken

In Pain

Wounded

Injured

Are the best words that currently describes of what my heart is suffering and feeling.  I do not know when will it end and when I can move on from this tragic happening of this friggin’ love condition of my life.  Tragic because I did not see it coming though I expected that one day it will happen but not this very sudden moment where I completely put my trust and love in him.  It is so sad that we will end up this way just because of the words I said just to express my disappointment.  I do not know if  Handsome Nurse felt within him that I am hurt and dismayed when he disregarded my favor.  How insensitive he is if  he does! I guess with this suffering and him-letting-me-feel-like-someone-who-is-not-important feeling should be a good and enough reason that I will give up with our relationship.  Or I am just the only one holding and putting so much faith that this relationship will work out?

There might be no official announcement coming from him and  this big leap I am going to make in our relationship would hurt me big time and will let me suffer a piercing pain but then again I should make a decision.  A very difficult judgment that will make more than a 360-degree turn in my life.  I am saying a painful good bye to my Handsome Nurse.  I thank you, handsome nurse, for the all the wonderful moments and magical feeling that you gave me.  May you will find true happiness one day and end up with someone who you love and  will love you endlessly.  You have loved me or not nonetheless I wish you the very best in life.

Adios

Sayonara

Ciao

Ahnyong

All goodbyes versions that I may know of, Paalam Handsome Nurse 😦 ;(

P.S. I can make a consideration if we can talk and work things out again..LOL no this is FINAL 🙂

Zipping the Line

Lately, I am engaging in kinda-extreme-outdoor-activities and I am so loving it.  When I was years younger I always dream of engaging into sports that will give me a good adrenalin rush and gonna make me sweat like hell.  I don’t know why but it excites me when I think about it.  The experience and the joy it brings after satisfying your crave for heart thumping moment is priceless.  Last Saturday we hit off for a zip lining activity on the top of mountains situated on Brgy. Busay, Cebu City.

Though the expanse of the place is not what I anticipated ( I was dreaming of a 500 or more meters of traveling via zip-line with a depth of over a hundred above  the ground) I still give it a go for the sake of experiencing zip lining.  Here’s a photo shot of us hanging in the cable.

The experience was good though since it gave me a little heart-beating-moments as I hung on the rope with dowdy helmet on my head.  LOL But then again, no sign of I-am-so-scared-to-try  and can-I-back-out drama in me because I thought when I fall I am pretty sure that I will be much pretty alive and it will just give me a broken limbs unlike on the Edge Coaster Ride that I tried weeks ago, you will surely be broken into pieces when you fall from the 40th floor! hahaha

Anyway, it was a cool physical activity that I want to do again BUT on an EXTREME LEVEL 😀

A shot in the place with breathtaking surrounding and quaint foliage, which is perfect for photo-ops and sightseeing as you wait for your turn for zip-lining.  Oh, by the way, the place also offers a sort of  you-will-walk-on-the-thin-rope-with-yourself-hanging-on-a-harness! LOL I forgot what it is called but it is like that.  We just do not try though because we do not have enough time to stay in the place.