Pain! It hurts

I am hoping that this deep wound inside my heart would heal fast because it hurts that I do not know what to do anymore.  I thought I am already fine and can cope out that he is making his way out of my life (yeah we haven’t broke up yet since he emailed me and decisions on his part are still vague) but I am absolutely wrong.  I am still hurt a gazillion times.  Every word he said pierced my heart and I do not want this to go on.

As he answered my email, he gave me a hanging answer which leads me to ask again.  All I want right now is a peace of mind, hope he can provide me that.  This is so hard because it tortures the whole me because I value and cherish him and the relationship so much.  I will accept and respect whatever decisions he will make as long as I know the reasons why.  No matter how shallow or nonsense it is I will accept.

Oh God, please help me to ease this pain away! Please guide me in this rough journey that I am in.  Make me strong to survive all of these. 😦


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