When I was 8, I am so fascinated with fairy tales and Prince Charming. I wanted to be a Cinderella and meet her Prince Charming. Wear those beautiful gowns sans the wicked step sisters and the mother. Then as time passed by, my fascination grew into something that I wanted to make it real. During teens, I longed to have a good looking and rich guy to be my husband. However, when maturity hit me, I realized that physical appearance and being rich do not matter anymore as long as the heart is pure and good.
With the sudden twists of events, I did not expect that the childhood dream that I wanted came true! I met a guy who’s fine, good looking and well off. He is an instant description of the Prince Charming that I have in my mind. We did not have the instant attraction on the first day although I admit that I really find him handsome but another man had my attention. The two of us started of as friends, good friends to be exact. We shared unforgettable memories, jokes, naughtiness, good and bad stories. We were there for each other through ups and downs. Then one day, that friendship was taken to a whole new level. I am afraid to cross that border because I cannot afford to lose our friendship. That was so important to me because he was been my close buddy for the longest time.
Yet, the feeling was so strong and we cannot keep our emotions anymore so we ended our friendship and became the boyfriend and girlfriend. Buzz immediately sparked among our friends. Questions were thrown everywhere as if we are the hottest celebrity couple in tinsel town. My girl friends congratulated me for hooking up with a gorgeous guy. I was astonished at that moment. Everything was so sudden like a hurricane making its strongest landfall. I would be hypocrite if I would not say that I am lucky. Yes, I was, because the idea of having a fairy tale story with a happy ending will be turning into a reality. Jeez, a plain Jane with her fine-looking Prince Charming holding hands while walking under the pale moonlight. Those childhood dreams begun to ignite again.
Every relationship has its ups and downs and we are no exemption to the rule. We were shaken by all sorts of storms — trust issues, misunderstanding, clashing of personalities and so on. Nevertheless, we managed to survive against all odds. Being crazy in love I imagined that he was the greatest part of me. I became the person that I did not know that I am capable of. It made me to be more patient, sweeter and extra understanding. Some says that I am the martyr-submissive type but I told them I do not want to nag or complicate the situations because I really wanted to make our relationship work. I saw the future with him having cute and adorable kids. We shared the same vision to be Mr. and Mrs. in the near future when we are financially stable. The relationship was too good to be true. Most of the people expected that we will really end up together. The chemistry, the support and the overflowing of love were really there, there was no question about it.
All those dreams and hope suddenly shattered into gazillion pieces, when one day Prince Charming told the simple Jane that it is impossible to realize the happy ending story. I was devastated and frustrated when I heard the ill-news from him. He said that his parents were against with the relationship with me since I am not well off and what would be his future if he will settle down with me. I began to question the guy that can’t he fight our love? I am willing to support him for us to have a better future. Yet, he did not answer, all he was saying is he is in doubt. He doesn’t know what to do anymore because he loves me but he is afraid to go against his family. What a jerk!
It was a long talk. After that, I decided to end the more than a year of being girlfriend and boyfriend. Hurt was so overrated with what I felt. The pain is unbearable. Misery became my company. Realizations strike me that the guy was not worthy of the love, attention, respect and understanding that I gave after all those years. He is an A-hole with no backbones and a total douchebag. He let me live in a fantasy with no touch of reality at all. All he had were talks and how bullshi* it is!
That’s where I know that my story with my Prince Charming is not a lived happily ever after but it was just a once upon a time story.
It was not an easy crusade. You know the feeling of how-would-be-my-sucking-day-ends tomorrow? It was a struggle to live each day without hinting others that your heart was totally shattered and so tired after crying every night. You tend to be okay physically but deep inside your forlorn heart needs some solace. A warm comfort that would heal the wounds.
After talking to God, surrounding yourself with beautiful and loving people, diverting your attention into something wonderful, grieving the sorrowful experience and accepting the harsh bite of reality, I managed to return from being the bubbly and happy me. Though the pain was still there but with the guidance above, friends and family, I know I can make it and pass with flying colors.
Sometimes, we need to be hurt and be broken to know that we have the hidden strength that we should discover so that it can make us stronger and be a better person. It is up to us if how we handle pain. Either it can make or break us. The choice is ours to make. Hurt can be our stepping stone or stumbling block depending on our response. If you made the right choice then it can make you better or if you wallow it for the longest time, then you will be bitter. As what the grandfather said in the latest Coca-Cola advertisement — Find what makes you happy. Time flies so fast. Do not spend it on a crap.
But the biggest realization that I learn with my failed relationship is that we shouldn’t choose someone if they have to think more than twice in choosing us. We should never allow ourselves to be an option, we should be the priority.
All of these sadness and heartaches I see these as a lesson that taught me a new experience. I am glad that in some ways, I am a survivor of the latest turbulent storm. Though ruined and left a greater damage in my life, I know this will pass because He is up there to guide me and of course my family and friends. 🙂